what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
