but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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