I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
