There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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