i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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