Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
