I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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