I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
