Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize