Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
