So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
