just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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