it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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