FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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