their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
