normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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