I showed him my bush... on skype.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
