I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
