we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is wine microwaveable?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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