You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
