Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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