She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
