toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
