I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
