Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
