I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
