I want to make a zoo with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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