There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
