It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
