I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
