she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
