break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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