My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
