You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
