In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
