And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
