She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
