Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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