I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
