On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
