Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
