trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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