Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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