too bad you live with your parents still
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
