Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
