fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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