I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
