I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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