Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
