It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
