I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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