My first STD was from a foam party
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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