Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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