Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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