And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
