Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
