so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize