i was born a porn star she said
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
