dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
