smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize