and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
