College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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