i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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