glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
